At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
