I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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