He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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