So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Who died my cat blue again?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
