I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
