Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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