are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
