its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So much rum. So many feels.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
