Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
