My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
