I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
