He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
