I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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