At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Randomize
