it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
