we made out on top of his cat.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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