That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
