making cat noises will not fix the situation.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
