every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
