David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
