Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
