pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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