Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
