she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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