I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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