the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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