i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
