Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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