New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
