Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
My liver just broke up with me...
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
