i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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