1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You pole danced in your parka.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
