Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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