My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
