no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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