Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
