is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
now i know why i became what i already was.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
