Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
