Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
