if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
