this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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