I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
