after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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