we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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