clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
