There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It's rum buckets o'clock
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
