Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
