my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
