Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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