I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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